


Doomed to Repeat It

by mcgarrygirl78



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-08
Updated: 2012-09-08
Packaged: 2017-11-13 20:08:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/507256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She wasn’t born normal, she didn’t live normal, but for just a little while she managed to hold it with both hands and almost believe it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Doomed to Repeat It

**Author's Note:**

> This is the sequel to The Belarusian Bitch Job. I wanted this part of the story to be told but I don’t enjoy writing angst very much. I also wasn’t even fond of the Season 6 secret spy Emily storyline but it fit so well with places this story went. It stands alone and might stay that way.

“Her name is Viktoria Yatchenko.”

“Whose name is Viktoria Yatchenko?”

“The Belarusian Bitch is Viktoria Yatchenko. She was born in Minsk, raised in Moscow, and returned home when her country declared independence. She is well-traveled, beautiful, cultured, and ruthless. Her occupation is to collect women and young girls, sometimes boys, for very high rollers all over the world. And business is booming. There are some who believe her to be legend; that she doesn’t exist. She exists and she’s done some terrible things.”

“How did you end up coming across someone like that?”

“I didn’t come across her…I am her.”

Dammit, he knew she was going to say that. He knew she was going to say it and Hotch didn’t want to hear it. He was tired of playing Secret Agent Emily. It wasn’t a fun game. It wasn’t the woman he knew and the woman he loved. 

Finding out he didn’t even know her at all…it was something he couldn’t live with. He could strangle Sophie Devereaux for even bringing this nightmare back into their lives. Lauren Reynolds was enough. The Belarusian Bitch was going to be the straw that broke the camel’s back.

“I don’t even know you.” Hotch whispered.

“What?” Emily turned in his arms and looked at him. 

She surrendered tonight. She needed him, needed to be held, comforted, and loved. She needed to be Emily again though there were times since she’d returned that she felt as if that was the woman who never existed. It had never been her intent to become an undercover Interpol agent. 

Spy games were fun for little girls but very dangerous for grownups. It turned out to be something she was good at. That probably made it worse. Emily got out of the life as soon as she could…she barely made it out alive. But to think she could just return to the way things used to be was wishful thinking. 

“I feel like I'm smack in the middle of a bad thriller. Some mediocre writer took a person I thought I knew and made them into a complete stranger. There’s chapter upon chapter that make no sense to me and I can't go back and grasp the beginning. I want Emily back.”

“You think I don’t.”

“Did she ever exist?” Hotch’s breath caught in his throat as he asked. He caressed her face. “Or was she just another character in a novel I don’t want to read anymore?”

She was speechless. That question probably hurt her more than Ian’s stake ever could. She tried. She tried so damn hard to be normal. She wasn’t born normal, she didn’t live normal, but for just a little while she managed to hold it with both hands and almost believe it. Life had a way of going full circle; the demons were always going to return. 

Emily thought about it all day long. Lauren Reynolds was finally dead. Maybe she could kill Viktoria too. She would have to kill them all, and that would take time. But if she ever wanted the life back that truly made her happy then she would have to do it. Each one would come back and steal more of her soul until there was nothing left if she didn’t.

“I am Emily Prentiss. I was born October 12, 1970 at George Washington University Hospital. Everything that comes after I'm not sure what's real and what isn’t but I know that. I also know that I joined the BAU in 2006 and it was a happy time for me. 

“It was work I wanted to do and people I came to care about. But I can't keep running from this. I can no longer bury it and pretend I didn’t do the things I did. Some might argue it was for the greater good. And hell, maybe the world is better off but what about me?”

“Don’t do this. Don’t go chasing after another ghost and end up dead.” Hotch said. “I can't lose you again…we can't.”

“I can't save everyone, Aaron.”

“I hope you're not talking about yourself. If you are then I've already lost you.”

“The Belarusian Bitch can bring down Muscavage.” She said.

“So can the NYPD and those people we met today. We don’t take every case; it’s not in our best interest.”

“I might have no choice.”

“I can't follow you down every rabbit hole Emily. This team can't do that.”

“You don’t think I know that.”

She sighed, moving out of his arms and out of the bed. Hotch didn’t speak as she dressed and Emily appreciated that. There wasn’t a lot left to say. They weren't those people anymore, and maybe they never had been. They both wanted it, wanted something, but that didn’t mean it was meant to be.

“I will always love you Aaron…I will always love Jack.”

“It sounds as if you're saying goodbye.”

“I am.” Emily nodded. “If this was going to work it would've happened by now. I don’t want to keep falling into each other because there aren’t other choices. I know you're having feelings for someone else and I know that I can't ever make this real. I'm sorry.”

“I don't want to lose you again.” he meant that.

She leaned and kissed his lips. Walking out was going to be hard but it had to be done. Just like Emily knew this job had to be done. She would do it with or without the team. She wanted the team there; wanted them to have her back. 

They could do this, take down Muscavage, and maybe things could be better. There were so many words that people weren't saying. But actions spoke louder than words. If they wanted Emily back then helping her shed more of the past might be the way to brighten the future. She didn’t know that for sure but anything was possible.

“We should take this case Hotch.” Emily sounded all business again. “I can't force you but it’s the epitome of what we do.”

“Strauss isn’t going to go for it.”

“She's taking a leave of absence. You can go straight to the Deputy Director. And if you don’t think he and his colleagues won't want to do a victory lap for catching Muscavage…”

“I don’t want to be a party to their political victories.” He shook his head.

“You are everyday you walk into the office. You want the dogs to back off, give them what they want. Give them a solid winner.”

“We’d break more rules than we’d ever obey. A case like this could end all of our careers. I know you want to quiet your demons. I wish I could do it for you. But I have more than myself to think about. I have more than you.”

“You always have.”

Emily turned and walked out of the bedroom. She didn’t have long to think about this; her decision was mostly made. It could change everything she fought so hard to get back, everything she thought she wanted. Maybe none of that had been real. Or it had been and it wasn’t anymore. Emily was too tired to go over and over it in her head. 

She just had to make choices and live with the consequences. She couldn’t expect that her team would follow her into the fire…she wasn’t their fearless leader. She would regret forever anything happening to any of them because they wanted to protect her. You couldn’t protect someone from the truth. And the truth was that Emily knew the perfect person for this job. Whatever happened, she had to try.

***


End file.
